No amount of time spent with my other partner takes away my longing, my desire, my need for you.
Is the conversation I’m having with possible new partner worth losing my current partner(s) for?
Are the growing feeling and changing path of love, desire, and commitment with one partner, worth losing the other(s) for?
As you may be able to tell from my first sentence my answers to both the above questions would be, “NO” and it doesn’t matter what configuration I put my partners into for those questions either. Not one of my currently two significant others do I feel is worth losing for the other one. I don’t have a hierarchy on my side of our poly equation. I love them both, can’t imagine ever having to give up one or the other for any reason. I can’t choose between them, I want, I love, I need them both.
I get different things from each of them as well as a few of the same things. There’s no question that we love each other. My poly structure is not necessarily the same as theirs however. Some times they both prescribe to a non-hierarchical style, other times they have a primary. Today one of my partners has switched back to a non-hierarchical style, while the other has a primary, to which I am viewed as secondary. This does not change how my loves feel towards me, however it often does change what is available. Generally it’s time availability that shows the biggest difference. We work within what is available which shows we each desire quality time, attention, and communication with each other.
Poly isn’t easy, juggling work and play schedules can be difficult some times. Calendars help some of us, text conversations asking about time help others. We do what we can, and are often looking for other ways to manage our time more effectively so that adulting happens AND there’s still time to enjoy each other’s company in some form or fashion.