Do you love me? Really?

I’m not ok with cheating.

Never have been, and I’ve never said cheating is ok. I’m saying talk it out

What equals cheating for you? Sex with someone isn’t cheating for me.

Lieing however is.

I tell my loves I want to know.

You found someone interesting? Cool. How long have you been talking? Ok, do you feel there’s potential there, what do you think the direction will be? Cool, when they are around for a few months I’ll want to know what direction the relationship is going. And I’ll want to check in and see how it’s going periodically as well.

But not telling me, or saying you aren’t seeing anyone. That’s lying, hiding, and cheating.

We emotionally invest in all kinds of people without it being an end to an existing relationship. All relationship are an investment. When two straight dudes find the right fit they do often spend a lot of time and attention on each other. It’s just platonic, same with women. Is it right or wrong to view two people of the right sexual orientation to each other as being a potential intimate partner to each other, or should friendship be assumed? Which is right? Where is the line that says this much attention, investment is ok and this much is too much or cheating?

When your gut is telling you something is wrong. Then something is wrong. However deciding you know FOR SURE what is wrong is liable to create the thing you do not want to happen.

When you need to have a difficult conversation, and have tried unsuccessfully then here is my two cents; go someplace neutral and talk. Go out, a pubic park, a coffee shop, a bookstore. Some place you can talk with privacy and yet requires calm controlled speech.

Ask one question, listen to the answer, then repeat in your words your understanding of the answer given. Then listen to any further info till you both feel both sides understand.

Then move to the other person asking a question and following the same path.

When there’s a question of cheating, dishonesty, then I also suggest asking each other what you can each do to build trust. What the other needs to feel safe, and how long you might need those things.

Maybe set a time period, in 3 months we’ll come back and see how we each feel. Do you feel trusted, do you trust the other. Do you still need all the same things you did before. What things do you need now, what will keep you feeling safe, trusting, and trusted. 

Above all communicate, however communication is more then just talking, it’s also listening, and letting the speaker know that you understand the info they are sharing. That the speaker did get their message across.

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