Poly or mono how do you find and meet the “right” people?
I DON’T KNOW!!!!
It just happens, you just know. It can be frustrating, stressful looking for your people, your clan, your pack, your tribe.
I call my group “my people.” My people includes lovers, good friend, biological family, kindred. Just people who are important to me in some form or fashion.
Outside of bio family I’ve met most of my people by chance. Being in the right place at the wrong time. No wait, being at the wrong place at the right time. No that’s not right either. Blah, just being someplace, being there and being ME.
How I met a couple of my “right” people:
I had invited a girl friend out for a dance night. I got to the dance club, and text her to find out how far out she was. She was bringing her husband and they weren’t even getting dressed, so I wasn’t sure they’d even show. I started drinking and dancing on my own. Having a good time working up a sweat.
This dance club has an upstairs balcony outside with a nice view of downtown. I head out and find a clear spot along the fence. Just stand there enjoying the view cooling off, and checking in with my friend. I put my back to the fence, and look over the crowd hanging on this balcony. There are a lot of people this night. I notice a guy on the far side staring at me. We smile at each other, just acknowledging each other. Then I head back to the dance floor, dance till I’m hot and sweaty again. Not sure how long likely 30 mins to an hour. Then back to my spot on the balcony. Cool off, turn check out the crowd.
Same dude, hanging with most of the same people, watching me from the same spot, again we smile. I stay longer this time texting my friend. Every time I look over dude is watching me. So I nod towards the stairs and we both cut our ways through the crowd, meeting at the top of the steps. I put a hand up over my shoulder, he puts his hand in mine as I head down the stairs.
Me, “Do you dance?”
Then we hit the main dance floor, dance for several songs, and yes he could dance! So I ask how old he is, cause not everyone in this club is of drinking age, he’s just barely drinking age making me much older than he is. I was slightly shocked and smiling said that’s too much. He smiled back, clearly unconcerned.
Then maybe an hour later I spot him to the side of the dance floor watching me. After a while, and with a good bit of alcohol in my system I go back up to this young man.
“You can dance, I’ll give you that. Would you like a kiss, a real kiss?”
He smiles, “Yes”
So I kiss him, my style. A mix of tender and aggressiveness. He’s more reserved, and so starts some real teasing.
Me smiling, “you’ll go farther if you use your tongue” then I walk away. I think he just smiled, but I’m not sure.
I was heading back to my spot outside to cool off. On my way up the stairs this other fellow that I recognized as hanging out with the young man I’d dragged away from his “friends” stops me. He’s attempting to tell me who he is, but I already have that figured out. I tell him that I know those two are best friend and that he’ll likely hear all about me later. Then we smile at each other and move on.
Three days later I see the young man in my Facebook message “online” list. I was really surprised, I never give out my contact info like that, and I didn’t remember accepting his friend request at the club. So I “creeped” his timeline for a bit. Checked out his posts, what he would write versus memes he was sharing. There weren’t any “play this game” things. And I came across a couple posts that resonated with me. One was about his personality, the other about a hobby. So I sent him a pm asking about the hobby.
He didn’t respond that day, it was the next day and we stuck up a lively conversation. I ended up messaging both of them that week. Best friends and roommates they are/were (they aren’t currently roommating). Talked basically everyday for months. Meet up at one dancing spot or another a few times a month. BOTH of them every time we went dancing.
So the night I met them, I apparently grabbed his neck, pinned him to a wall. He turned that around by spinning us and pinning me to the wall, biting my neck, and growling at me. A good bit of “making out” between us. Our exchange of Facebook info was quick as we were parting ways. At least this is what I was told. You see by this point of the night I had had SO much to drink that I have zero memory. This young man and his best friend have been in my life for a few years now. These two guys are MY PEOPLE.
I get a FEEL for a person, I take my time getting to know them before I decide they are “my people.” I’m very glad I gave that young man my contact info. That the three of us got to talking and hanging out regularly. They are wonderful guys, but they aren’t my only people. Just how we three met is a fun story. Rare in the how, mostly body language that brought us together. I’ve met many other people at that dance cub, but none who became “my people” or got my contact info so quickly.
I’ve met “my people” online as well. About 15 years ago I met someone who became “my people” while online gaming. And more recently meet a couple of “my people” through a dating site, though two of three are just friends.
Will my style help you find your clan? Probably not, we each have our own ways. Perhaps hearing bits of my style will show someone out there that there are a lot of options when locating your own people, your clan.