How does one “start” a blog? The beginning?
Meh, I’ll just attempt to explain who I am, or maybe the right word is “what,” what I am.
Who or what am I?
Biologically I am female.
I’ve been a; girlfriend, runaway, wife, scared little girl, traveler, roommate, hunter, mother, college student, owner, working dad, lover, best friend, submissive, partner, single mom, dominate, couch surfer…
I prefer to think of myself as pan and poly.
Pansexual, basically your sex organs aren’t what I’m thinking about when I find myself attracted to you. I need a conversation to feel attraction, I need to know the person, their personality. Do I have physical, visible preferences? Yes, of course, “eye candy.” Do I find my preferences in my partners? Some times, but I don’t find their looks all that important. However something about a person’s appearance could be what brought us together. I LIKE THE TALL ONES! Yet I have a current lover who is my height, almost opposite of my visible preferences. Confidence and body language brought us together. Heart and mind more than what my eyes can see.
So, what is poly? For me polyamorous means I am able to love more than one. Being poly is different for each person, for each poly group. My brand of poly is not necessarily the same as my partners. My brand of poly may be very different from the next poly person you talk to, or the poly group you’ve already gotten to know. I once had a poly acquaintance suggest that my style could be called, “relationship anarchy.” No labels, avoiding rigid structures, each relationship being built from scratch. I kinda like that term so I’m adopting it for myself.
I am not the “girlfriend” type. While I am married, I am not a wife. I have no interesting in strings, or ties. At least not in this moment, and not for most of last year either. I’ve been a wife, and have been a girlfriend. I’ve cohabited with a partner, as a mono person and as a poly. At this point I’m not looking to live with anyone in any kind of intimate fashion. I don’t mind how my people view the structure of our relationship. However, if they ask me what they should say I am, what they should call me, my answer is basically this, “I am a wild thing! I am your wild storm. I blow into your life for a short moment then I’m off and gone again till next time, leaving all sorts of havoc, mischief, and mayhem in my wake.” Even should they come out to me for a visit it’s still likely to create some form of havoc between us. All good things, mostly.
Love. What is love? You can ask one hundred people and get one hundred different answers, here is mine.
What is love but a desire to be within the scope of another’s life? To find acceptance of self, and to give another acceptance of them.
I am poly
I am pan
I am married and “dating”
My lovers are not my husband
My husband is not my lover
Does this the question answer?